three steps to change your life

So it’s been a while since my last post. The guilt of being a slacker blogger has definitely been weighing on me, but I kept telling myself nothing worth posting has happened in my life. At first thought this seemed totally and utterly depressing, then last night it occurred me it couldn’t be further from the truth! In fact, I’ve taken a well-needed time out from being a gal about town to focus on myself, get healthy and recalibrate what truly makes me happy.

Step 1 – “Hibernation” Okay so I’ve been a bit of a shut in as of late. Getting my “house in order”, catching up on much needed sleep and doing things that I truly want to do – reading, errands I’ve been putting off, spending the night on the couch watching “Scandal”. It’s been nice planning to stay in and reveling in it, rather than suffering from the dreaded FOMO.

Step 2 – “Dry July” Oh yea… no alcohol or eating like a frat boy for the month of July. Don’t worry – I have 5 (well, now I’m down to 2) cheat days to tide me over. But ya know what? It’s actually been a nice break and I haven’t really noticed the impact on my social life. True, I’ve had a couple low-key weekends as of late, but when I have gone out to dinner, trivia night or a 4th of July picnic I’ve enjoyed not feeling like slug as I get ready for bed. Not drinking has also helped me better gauge when I’m just drinking to drink, and not because I’m actually enjoying myself. Overall, Dry July has help make special occasions feel that much more special and appreciate them even more!

Step 3 – “Happiness is a moment”. If I was happy 100% of the day, everyday well that would just start to feel normal. I’d probably turn to drugs, extreme sports or snorting wasabi up my nose to feel something. Reflecting every night before bed on a moment that made me happy or grateful has helped me to recognize that even though I’m not in a picture perfect spot right now, happiness and joy still exist in my day to day life.

What I’m thankful for in the month of July: I’m so grateful for my friendships old and not so old. The support and motivation I receive from these women remind me that I’m not alone in my feelings, fears or the city.

The next couple weekends bring visitors and with them, hopefully some good material for upcoming posts!IMG_3691

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without a doubt

Being a transplant in the city of SF naturally one of my first courses of action was to find some freaking girlfriends! I’m in my first Active year of the Jr. League and just attended my first committee meeting which kicked off with everyone’s favorite activity – the icebreaker. Ughhh… I’d rather demonstrate a physical talent, than answer a question about what American Girl doll I had growing up (Samantha). Whatever. This time we had to share our favorite past vacation, as well as one upcoming trip we were most looking forward to.

Maybe because most of my recent trips have been traveling back east to visit family and friends, or because the last true vacation I took was with my ex-boyfriend’s family… I was coming with up nada for this question.

So I thought hard. What was the last fun adventure vacation I took? A trip to London with one of my best friends during the summer break of college, of course! Two 21 year olds staying with a flat of A&F employees (another story for another post) let loose on an European city… what wouldn’t be memorable about that? And what about a trip I am most looking forward to? Why a reunion with my BFFs for Homecoming weekend. Naturally.

As we continued around the room it was hard not to notice that pretty much everyone listed a honeymoon or anniversary trip as a past/future trip. And honestly, I don’t blame them. I sure as hell hope my honeymoon (with Henry Cavill) is the best freaking trip ever, but it was difficult not to compare my super single state to their state of matrimony.

Recently I’ve felt content and accepting of my life where it is now. But I’m approaching my 27 and a half birthday next week, and I couldn’t help but feel that something was a bit off.  As I continue to roll on down the track closer to 30 it feels a bit weird not be 100% established in a city, in an apartment, in a relationship, in a career, in a hair color… until I came across the below list.

Presenting “The (Unofficial) Top 10 Things Women in Their Thirties Regret Having Done in Their Twenties”

  1. Marrying the wrong chap
  2. Starting their careers too late
  3. Losing their lissome figures (damn you Cheese Plus!)
  4. Having kids too soon
  5. Not marrying the right chap when he asked (accepting applications)
  6. Living the lives their parents wanted
  7. Running no risks
  8. Pursuing no purpose
  9. Never quite believing in themselves (who me?)
  10. Sticking with a series of chumps, dickweeds, and half-wits, all of whom ended up borrowing money

So while I continue down this path of figuring out myself out, at least I can take comfort in that I’m still writing my story, still meeting and dating new people, trying new things, pursuing crazy opportunities, I can 100% sure when time comes to establish myself as a Mrs. I’ll be 100% sure it’s the right decision at the 100% right stage of my life.

I’m off to LA for a girl’s weekend and my outlook couldn’t be sunny.

sorry i keep saying the f word

Oh the blind date… at one moment so full of hopes and dreams, the next crashing, burning, I need to go feed my cat, destruction. Since moving to the city I’ve been initiated into this realm of dating awkwardness. Mostly by well intentioned friends with my best interests at heart, and recently a few completely misguided, “Hey, you’re both single, but I have no idea if you have any thing in common beyond living in the continental northwest” attempts. I’m always open to the idea, because “You never know, Jackie!” but hours before the date I’m either on the brink of tears or canceling. However, an interesting thing happen last week when one of my best friend’s set me up with a man from my Midwestern roots – I didn’t care!

Not that I was a rude date, I just didn’t care if I looked pretty, had the perfect outfit or said the right thing. I was myself. Now don’t get me wrong, I’d still done my fair share of Facebook stalking, “what if…?” wondering, but I also knew that this guy was only temporarily living in San Francisco and would return home a few months later. While there still was a possibility he could be my Mr. Right, I went into the date actually hoping to get a friendship out it, without the pressure of finding my next boyfriend. And you know what? The unthinkable happened – I had a good time on a blind date!

I’ve noticed a lot of my friends, me especially, put a crazy amount of pressure on ourselves to have it all “figured out” by our late 20’s. I sometimes feel until I have all of my laundry done, my resume updated, an apartment out of an West Elm catalogue and a Henry Caville look-a-like boyfriend (FYI friends who want to set me up on future blind dates) – I just don’t have my shit together. It’s absurd.

The biggest lesson I’ve been learning these past few months is to be a little kinder to myself. I’m pretty great, well most of the time, excluding Monday mornings and post late night pizza bingeing. Why shouldn’t a guy want to take me, the real me out on a date? No one is going to make me happy, until I can make myself feel good about where and who I am right now. We’re all on different trajectories, towards different milestones and stages of life. If we can learn to be a little more patient and accepting of ourselves, as we are with others, maybe just maybe we can all go on at least one mildly, pleasant blind date.photo

where i am in this exact moment

The holiday weekend began like any other weekend in the city with plans for brunch, catching up with friends, a little caretaking back at the apartment and in the back of my mind the possibility of a meet cute with Mr. Right.

Over the last several weeks I’ve been making the effort to transform my usual analytic, trouble spotting ways into more fun seeking, go with the flowing, I can do it mentality. Although, I’ll never be able to sever my Type A ties, surprisingly this time it’s actually working! I feel your skeptical eye roll. Let me explain.

Maybe this time around it’s due to finally being in a place in my life I feel content. In all honesty, I think I was just over worrying. I have wasted so much of the last two years focusing on what I don’t have: the right job, the right city, the wrong hair color (don’t get me started on my brief stint as a ginger) and of course: complete and utter lack of a man I found remotely attractive, also the man I used to have. I’ve overlooked the things in my life that I truly do appreciate and would miss if they were gone. And that is truly a waste.

I supposed I can credit this new, revived me on the thousands of dollars I spent on analysis over the last 18 months or much more likely, I can credit the series finale episode of “The Office” where Andy oh so wisely said, “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

So I guess one of my hopes for this past weekend didn’t pan out… but, I did dance like an idiot with my roommates to African drumbeats, I did go on a blind date with my pant fly down the entire time, I did bask in Friday happy hour sunshine at the immense base of the Transamerica Pyramid, I did get asked out by man I can only describe as the real life inspiration for Adam from HBO’s “Girls”, I did take a challenging and refreshing yoga class and I did have an amazing time all the while!

Lesson for the day kiddos: let’s all enjoy the good old times now, in this exact moment.

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