Recently while I was back east for my college’s homecoming weekend, I reconnected with an acquaintance from my sorority days. If I’m being completely honest, he was in my ex-boyfriend’s fraternity. Sorry I’m not sorry. Staying true to sorority girl form, this college reunion involved $1 Bud Lights bottles, a ruined pair of shoes and a bar bathroom BOMO (Mom – that’s short for black out make out).
Once my post-college, mid-twenties, two day long hangover wore off girl logic kicked in – what if this guy I had known in college and reconnected with 5 years later was “the one”? For the next couple days we texted nonstop, all day long, every day. In true Jackie fashion he lived in another time zone. I guess I’m just a sucker for long distance romances. We got to know each other the best way one can – through the magic of iMessage and the most unrealistic representation of ourselves via Facebook. Hello, untag button!
Things started to take a turn for the scandalous when I received my first shirtless selfie. I’ll admit we both frequently spoke about fitness and being healthy, but when photographic evidence turned up on my iPhone I felt a bit confused. Was I excited? Was I embarrassed? Is this normal? Was I expected to reciprocate? Can someone please school me on the proper dating protocol with Snapchat and selfies? Does anyone know a 14 year old girl who can teach me how to take an attractive selfie?!?!? I decided to let it slide and politely thanked him for the picture and let him know that I was not that kind of texter.
As our romance graduated from days to weeks, so did the frequency of the shirtless selfies and Snapchats, this time with captions!! “Abs poking through”. Awkward. They weren’t. Another time a photo was sent at nighttime on the east coast while the windows in the background clearly showed sunlight. Was he stockpiling selfies on skinny days? I’ll give him that one – totes brilliant!!
I felt even more pressure to reciprocate after he told me he “really appreciated we could both trust each other” with sending hard copies of pictures via iMessage. Was he serious? I was sharing everyone single picture with my roommates. Obviously I was expecting him to do the same. Momma didn’t raise no fool!
Things finally came to a head when, you guessed it!!! NO, not a dick pic. Get your mind out of the gutter. I received TWO shirtless selfies in one day. I’d ran out of cute and semi-polite ways to respond. In truth, the distance had more to do with the end of this could have been relationship, but my poor iPhone had seen enough and so had I.