today a girl has to buy her own kisses

What is it about Walgreens? You go in for one things and $60 later you’ve stocked up on Essie nail polish, Luna Bars and some obscure branded facial product. I was in my neighborhood Walgreens replenishing my Q-tip supply, when I thought to myself “Hey, I’ll get some candy for the office” or what I tell myself when I’ll most likely hide the aforementioned candy in my drawer, only to share with my coworkers when I’m feeling generous and Julie Andrews like. As I rounded the corner – Boom! Cute guy alert! And yes, an alert complete with sirens, disco lights and confetti is warranted for a cute guy.

As I’ve learned living in the city for the last year in the half … San Francisco is utterly, completely and totally lacking on the handsome man front. Please note this statement excludes all gays, those in committed relationships and European tourists that populate the 7×7 mile area of the city.

Tall, dark and good looking passed by me and rounded the corner to check out the chilled beverages. After having a moment to compose myself, I got back to the task at hand… 2/$6 Hershey Kisses – hello! As I contemplated classic milk or dark chocolate kisses, low and behold Mr. Good Looking wandered down the candy aisle once again. Our eyes met and I made my best attempt at a casual and welcoming smile. I’m ashamed to admit that I have legit practiced this look in the mirror. I’m pretty sure I look like a puppy dog who’s run into a wall one too many times. Regardless of my failed attempts to look approachable, he walked down the aisle TWICE! Basic girl logic leads me to believe that maybe he was interested, so I grabbed my bag of Hershey’s Dark Kisses and followed him to the check out line.

I patiently waited for him to turn around… okay seriously, why isn’t he turning around yet?? How can I get his attention? Should I drop something near his feet? Should I grab a pack of gum next to his shoulder? I anxiously fumbled with the bag of Kisses, making all kinds of annoying plasticy sounds that warrant a a glance… then I realized he was wearing ear buds. Eff! Mr. Good Looking never turned around. Not after paying for his purchases, not while walking out the door, not once.

On my walk home I wanted to kick myself. Why did I get so caught up thinking of the best approach to initiate conversation? Why hadn’t I just tapped him on the shoulder and said “Hello!”? I hear urban myths of people meeting in line at Starbucks, heck one of my girlfriends met her boyfriend in line picking up her laundry! I think the hardest thing about dating for me is that I still abide by the “rules” of dating. I suppose I’m partly to blame for not making the first move, but is it wrong that I still want the guy to? At least with rules you have a faded and outdated road map to help navigate the awkward and self-doubt filled first dates. Instead, as I type this some guy I’ve met through an online dating site wants to FaceTime me before ever meeting or speaking . No thank you, sir.

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I wanted a perfect ending

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”